When I’m sitting with a crowd of people I always think if we were in a horror movie who would be the first to die I can’t be the only person who thinks like that

radsturbate:

*reblogs post before i finish reading it* wait shit i don’t agree with that

Using tumblr as a journal if you don’t like it I don’t really fucking care. But I seriously think my relationship with my boyfriend is something out of a bad movie. When we met we were total opposites, and we promised never to say I love you until we really meant it. Up until then we grew to know each other and became extremely close and did everything together. On 8 months we finally said our first I love you’s and it was pure bliss for the next 4 months, I’d go back and relive those days over an over again but then for some reason I suddenly wasn’t good enough anymore, and all he wanted were drugs and booze and he wanted to be reckless and he wanted to do whatever he wanted so I let him. I broke up with him and we were done. But when he wanted to get back together I took him seriously I thought everything would go back to the way it was before. But sadly no and when he came to me claiming he was horribly depressed and hated everyone and everything he was surrounded by and when I told him I would help him he refused. And I will never forget that stupid day where it was storming like crazy and he told me he wanted to be with me but he also wanted everything else. And I walked out on my stupid porch in the stupid rain and stood there all stupid an told him he had to pick right then and he walked up to me and then turned and walked away from me and I just stood there like an idiot and I watched as he got in his stupid truck and stared at me for like 20 mins before pulling away and driving off. And I just kept standing there until the stupid rain stopped crying for hours. I will never forget that day. Weeks passed and he never lost touch with me, if he wasn’t texting me mean things he was calling me completely shitfaced and hanging up. But when I found out I was pregnant I don’t really know how but he just crept back into my life he completely tore me to shit and hurt me SO BAD but he managed to keep coming around and apologizing and begging for me back and I was like what is this I can’t even like he just left me and spent a month tormenting me. He promised he was a changed man and it would never happen again. But he didn’t. There were still drugs and drinking and recklessness and another girl but he still managed to call me every night and say he didn’t know why he was doing these horrible things and I was the one he wanted and to please never give up on him. And I never did. Here I am today still hating myself for not giving up though. I don’t understand how I got to where I am today but all I know is I am still completely heartbroken. No matter how hard he tries and how much he’s changed and how good he is now I will never forget that day that stupid fucking day where he fucked everything up and he’s still trying to make up for. Almost a year ago and it still fucking hurts just as fucking bad as the day it happened. Our lives are moving forward so fast and I’ve never hated someone so much and been hopelessly in love with them as well. We have a family now and we’re so close and so passionate but I still have so much hate in my heart

i want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view

(Source: darkfuse)